Much modern tech aims to save you time. And that time should be spent buying more things. At least, that appears to be the thinking behind Samsung’s latest wheeze: turning its $1800-plus Family Hub fridges into kitchen-based ad boards. According to reports, a software update will soon be foisted upon unlucky owners as part of a pilot scheme. When their fridge screens are idle – which, unless I’m badly misinformed about fridges, is presumably most of the time – they’ll be plastered with promos and ads.
Samsung insists this glimpse of the future is part of its commitment to “innovation and enhancing every day value for our home appliance customers”. Because nothing says value like dropping two grand on a Samsung Family Hub fridge to discover you’re not the customer at all.
You’re just a chump, mulling over the filling for a tasty sandwich, while the real customers – advertisers – lay claim to your eyeballs. And if you complain, Samsung will no doubt hit back and say you should think yourself lucky, because without the ads, your fridge would cost even more. Even though your two-grand food cooler now has all the ‘premium’ feel of a cheap Kindle With Ads.
Buy hard
Not that Samsung is alone in this corporate ad-pocalypse. Apple was once obsessed with being the best in this space (ie no ads) but discovered just how much it likes money. So now it settles for ‘least worst’. Ads infest the App Store. Subscription nags litter operating systems. The TV app sidebar on the Apple TV has permanent tabs for MLS and Apple TV+ welded in place. It’s not quite BUY ME screamed with market trader gusto, but these intrusions are nonetheless impossible to remove.
Amazon, meanwhile, thinks the notion of ‘least bad’ is quaint and remains determined to glue ads on to everything it possibly can. Its latest brainwave, straight from the mouth of CEO Andy Jassy, is about how the company might load ads into Alexa. Which sounds like fun. And by fun, I mean a hideous dystopian nightmare.
Just imagine. “Alexa, please turn on the heating.” “Sure. But first, do you know what’s really hot? Flaming Hot Nachos from Big Food Corp! Buy some today! Or freeze to death like the fleshy human meatbag scum that you are.” (That might need a little workshopping, but I imagine it’s the sort of thing Jassy was going for.)
Cold call
So the future is every piece of tech partially reborn as an advertising hoarding. There’ll be no escape. Smart picture frames. Ads! Every slat in a smart blind. Ads! Tiny screens embedded in tea bags, demanding you BUY MORE TEA whenever you fancy a cuppa. For now, though, the next step is fridges. Sigh.
It’s also a comedown. Two years ago, I wrote about Samsung’s surreal ambition to turn fridges into works of art. AI art, to be fair, but art all the same. Now, that flicker of individuality and artistry has been eclipsed by naked capitalist greed.
There is at least one saving grace of Samsung’s pilot: Art Mode and photo albums on its fridges remain ad-free. But it’s surely only a matter of time. Presumably, Samsung’s next update will check whether your kid’s latest painting pinned to the fridge is daring to cover an ad – and, if it is, shred it on the spot. The fridge will solemnly boom that such insubordination will not be tolerated. And that the true meaning of family is really loved ones crowding round a Family Hub fridge on a cold winter’s day, watching ads. Whereupon we’ll all feel the chill about how far the dream of tech has sunk.