It’s no secret that the world is a dark, sad place these days. The planet is dying thanks to endless extraction, worker’s rights are regressing back to the Gilded Age, and reactionary extremism is becoming a social norm.
If all that’s got you feeling glum, though, you’ve got options. You can always reach out to a friend to let of some steam, talk to a trained therapist to work on your stress, or join a community group to sew a little hope around the neighborhood.
Or if none of that works, you could always follow in one YouTuber’s footsteps and build a robot that force-feeds you alcohol.
Meet Noir Bytes: the anonymous robotics guru behind the bold self-treatment strategy.
“I’m sad,” says Noir in his staple monotone, “because this video is supposed to be about something completely different. Initially, it was about building a Saw-like torture device that would choke me out if I got scared while playing a video game.”
Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, Noir’s Jigsaw contraption broke after two weeks of building.
“It was a big mess that made me doubt my abilities, and actually myself as a whole,” the YouTuber said flatly. “That night, I went to bed sad, and I woke up, also sad.”
But then something clicked, as Noir remembered the “two scientifically proven ways to make someone happy”: video games, and “a shit ton of alcohol.”
From there, the YouTuber’s goal became to combine the two into a device that forces alcohol down his throat as he plays his favorite video game, a heavy dose of nostalgia and booze which is sure to cure his depression.
Noir goes on to break down his build process, connecting his beer to a motor via a series of tubes, regulated by a circuit board and powered by two batteries, all strapped to his arm.
His game of choice is a childhood favorite, a 2001 cult classic called Gothic, known for its difficult controls and unusual gameplay. Noir programs his torture device to pump him full of hooch whenever he presses certain keys, set to randomly change every five minutes, adding a new element to the game: does he work around the trigger keys, or suck it up — literally?
The YouTuber then livestreamed his entire Gothic playthrough, a nonsensical if entertaining experiment in manmade horrors beyond our comprehension. While alcohol is a poor fix for, well, just about anything, we applaud Noir for playing to his strengths to dress up an otherwise forgotten title.
It’s just the latest act of self-punishment created by Noir, who’s previously designed a machine that hits him for not solving a Rubik’s cube fast enough, and a torture device that zaps him when he screws up while playing video games.
It’s unclear if the alcohol robot solved Noir’s depression, but we’re rooting for him all the same.
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